3 days from now I will be entering my fourth semester of college. And just like the previous three semesters, I'm not looking forward to it. It's odd, I love to learn, I love the feeling of gaining something that I can never lose (unless amnesia hits me suddenly and I lose memories). It's a great feeling, don't get me wrong. But I'm addled with test anxiety. And studying has never been my strong point. Hell, until I got into college, I never studied. I had no concept on how to do it. It's something I had to teach myself. And it just led me to cram for things. It's gotten me by so far, but I doubt it will last much longer.The problem with a formal education is that you learn things that you're not going to use in the future. For example, my weakness is math. Anything that involves numbers really. I have dyscalculia. It's number dyslexia. I have trouble with just simple multiplication, and division? Forget about it. The numbers get rearranged on the page wrong and I get frustrated with my outlandish answer and give up.
English, History and Art courses are my strong points. I've aced those for as long as I can remember. But of course in order to have a 'well-rounded' education, they need to throw in the Mathematic and Science courses. It's a nightmare. Thus why my GPA in high school wasn't so hot because whatever A's I would get in my strong subjects were nullified with my horrible math and science courses. It's a vicious circle.
Another point that brings me to the point of nausea is the whole financial aid system. It's a crock. I don't believe that I should have to PAY in order to get an education. I don't think that i should shell out thousands upon thousands of my money (or in my case, loans) to go to school. Cause eventually you have to pay that money back, plus interest. And it's going to take me until I'm old and grey (which gets closer everyday) to pay all this money back. And what happens if I'm slow to get a job in my field? Let's face it, everyone wants to be their own photographer. They don't want to pay some fresh-out-of-college chick to take their photos. It's a mess.
My inevitable downfall from debt gives me a migraine. After commuting to a local branch of my college and then dorm-ing at the main campus for this year, I've deduced that I'm back to commuting next semester. I hate driving up there. And with gas on the rise again and my cars' sad condition, I'm in for a rough time.
I don't mean to complain so much. This has just been swirling in my head for weeks, months. I'm jaded towards the whole educational system. And my current life in general. I feel numb. Comfortably Numb? Who knows.
